The Power of Video Game Cheats


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Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater Derek Jeter and a boy named Peter Everybody has cheated in some way or another. A stinky math test. An affair with your second wife. Getting Mountain Dew Baja Blast™ with your "cup for water". But unlike all these examples, cheating was once viewed as a positive feature in Somethin' wacky ass and fun that changes the way the game is played. A secret little Easter Egg snuck into the game for the most inquisitive chosen ones to find. Or a helping hand to assist a struggling player that is really tired of dying. This game is HORSE SHIT. But in modern times the world of cheating in video games has E V O L V E D. It has become a realm primarily consisting of unfair advantages, eleven year old boys, and the funniest shit i maybe have ever seen. Yes, i'm talking about ℍℂ. In the world of video games, these are the four nations of cheats: Goofy awesome wacky fun times YES. Creaky secret sneaky sneakers. *weird ass fuckin' breathing* Help me mommy i need help. and the Cheetah Men™ And some people might argue mods for a single player game are some form of cheats and that's a whole another can of worms to open and last time i checked i wasn't in the fucking worm business. You may have noticed i'm using a four way Venn Diagram, or as us professionals would call it a quadraphonigram, to seperate these four nations of cheats and that's because the dividing lines between them tend to get a little blurry. For example, let's take a look at the DK Mode, or Big Head mode cheat in GoldenEye It's a "Creeky sneaky" easter egg nod to Rare's previous Donkey Kong Country Games. But it's also "Goofy wacky funtimes YES" because it changes the gameplay But it's also "Help me mommy i need help" because the giant heads make headshots easier. Whereas in another game with Big Head mode cheats such as NBA Jam, it doesn't really change much, it's just goofy and funny. Also, what the heck was it with 90's games thinking big heads were the funniest shit ever? Like "Oh my god he's god a tiny body and a giant he-" Alright it, it's kinda funny. Any hooch. Let's talk about the "Goofy fun time" cheats. The beautiful codes that show off ideas maybe the dev team had that didn't make it into the game or just stuff they thought was super fun to play around with. Infinite bullet time in Max Payne which is as pleasurable as it sounds. Debug mode in Sonic 2 that let's you frick around and basically make your own levels. Moon gravity in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 that let's you dick flip into the cosmos as if your skateboard was engineered at SpaceX by Elon Musk himself. However, the best showcase for "Goofy wacky fun time" cheats that can completely change the way a game is played, is undoubtedly the Grand Theft Auto Series. These games have so many fuckin' cheats they should be eatin' Cheetos. Flying cars, which you could also do with a tank, allowing you to boost yourself through the sky like a rocket ship. Rioting NPCs that are insane. Explosive punches, and my personal favorite, CJ phone home. I probably would have only put it half the time I did in San Andreas if it didn't have this cheat. I just like flying in the air with a bicycle. Sue me, see if I care. Sustained. Overruled. These kinds of cheats are just a massive bonus on top of the game that already let you do whatever the frick you wanted. And there's so many cheats that each of my friends have their own personal favorites that helped tailor the game to be their own unique dream playground. And that's pretty fucking cool. But along with being in the "Goofy Wacky Funtime YES" Category I would also put GTA in the "Help me mommy I need help" Category You know, the type of cheats that basically exist to be a booster seat for the struggling player "Hey can I get invincibility and every weapon ever made? I can? Okay cool. Ohmygod thank you." "Hey I'm kinda struggling with your game Mr. Aladdin. Can I just skip the last level… okay Ohmygod thank you" Or of course the classic Konami code "UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT
RIGHT" Giving you all the extra lives you could ever want. ..wait are you serious? Ohmygod thank you. There's not a whole lot of insight I have for this category Other than it's cool that people, who suck at video games can have fun too. It's cool that I can skip the level in Sonic 2 so that I don- get fuckin' stuck in the purple water i don't know Now let's move on and talk about some of the coolest cheats of all time. Of course I'm talking about the creaky sneaky secret sneakers. The easter egg gift-wrapped birthday presents that the developers snuck into the game to reward only the most enqusitive of the GAMER GIRLS. Doing a bunch of specific inputs to unlock an entirely new character in Street Fighter 2. Turning on blood in the first Mortal Kombat game when mommy goes to sleep, cause you're a NAUGHTY LIL' BOY™ Entering the name ''JUSTIN BAILEY'' in Metroid to see Samus in her pink leotard cause guess what? YOU'RE STILL NAUGHTY But the coolest example of a sneaky Easter egg/help me mommy hybrid Comes from the snake-iest Metal Gear Solid game Where you can fast-forward, your PS2's interal clock To kill an aging boss Of old age. How fuckin' cool is that?! Kojima was always thinkin' outside the box He is so far away from the box he looked at it and he was like… "What the frikin' heck is that?" Which is ironic, cause the box is an iconic item in the Metal Gear Solid series but Sustained, overruled I think is the term. Anyway these cheats are cool because it's like a sneaky little love note the developers snuck into the game to remind you that video games are made by real people who are passionate and care about the art form. It's- It's communication between developer and player and its "wicked". But you wanna what isn't bloody wicked Harold? Twitch streamers that blatantly use wall hacks in CS:GO- Actually I take it back it's pretty fuckin' hilarious. "CLARA?!" I'm talking about the Cheetah Boys. People that do post-market mods to multiplayer games to give them god-like abilities that while… extremely hilarious to watch, give them… a pretty obvious unfair advantage. Hacking is like the ultimate form of, "help me mommy I need help" and runs rampant in competitive online games because some people… just really need to win, at whatever cost. And it works in this vicious toxic circle, because so many people choose to fight fire with fire. Or… aimbot. With wallhacks. Well I only turn my cheats on whence he turned his cheats on. Go fuck yourself. I personally believe that the punishment for using hacks shouldn't just be an account ban, Or-uh or-uh a mark on your permanent record I believe we should round up all the hackers and- and waterboard them with Mountain Dew Baja Blast™ . Until they stop saying racial and homophobic slurs and aimbotting me and my mom. Cheat codes, by the classic definition. Are sadly a dying breed As gaming has transitioned into more multiplayer heavy experiences It would make sense that naturally cheats codes would kinda fade away But that doesn't mean their lasting effects can't be seen Games like Uncharted 4, have an insane list of bonus features that rival… Even the best video game code cheat book. Turning on slo-mo aiming basically turns the game into Max Payne with grappling hooks which is my personal wet dream. And I sincerely believe that if it wasn't for cheat codes in classic video games, modern gamers wouldn't be as inspired to craft these mods that enhance an experience to be even more fun, polished, and imaginative than before. Cheat codes inspire. Cheat codes matter. but most of all. Cheat codes are just plain dang ol' fun. And that's what this is all about right? Having fun? I'll see ya next time. A one… A two… A three… A four… My little brother turned into a fuckin' whore yeah Now I need to poop cause… ♪ Everyyyy rose has it's thorns ♪ ♪ Every rose ♪ ♪ And everyyyy cowboy ♪ ♪ Sings a sad, sad song ♪ ♪ A sad song yeahhhh ♪ ♪ Everyyyy rose has it's thorns ♪ *Vocalizing* *Playing keyboard while vocalizing* ^Cheetah boys^